Staring Contest

This morning at the table, a girl and a boy sitting across from each other decided to have a staring contest.  They were all leaned forward and getting into it, including having the other kids at the table cheer them on.  The outcome was apparently inevitable.

other kids at table:   Ooooh don't blink!  Don't blink!  You can't blink!

(girl blinks)

boy:  I'm good at staring, I always win.

girl:  Always?

boy:  Yeah!  Cuz boys are way gooder at staring than girls are.

me:  Why is that?

boy:  Because when girls look at you they go like this:  (bats his eyelashes rapidly)

Toe Monster

kid:  There's a monster in my toe.

me:  Oh yeah?  How do you know?

kid:  I can feel him walking around.

me:  How did it get in your toe?

kid:  It climbed in through the top of my shoe!

me:  Why did it do that?

kid:  I don't know...because it wanted to scratch my toe.

Eye Ball Repair

We were getting ready for lunch and the kids were speculating on why one friend was staying in the other room, when I told them that his dad was picking him up early.  I honestly didn't know why, but I doubt it was the reason that they came up with.

kid1:  Why?

me:  I'm not sure, he must have something else he needs to take care of.  But he'll be back tomorrow.

kid1:  Maybe he has a doctor's appointment.

me:  That's possible.

kid2:  Yeah maybe he's going to go have his eyeball fixed.

me:  You think that's what's going on?

kid2:  Yeah his eyeball is funny....maybe he's going to the gas station to get it fixed.

Snot Bubble

We had just gotten out to our playground when this kid stopped me and was talking about something that took me a while to figure out.

kid:  (sounding very serious) Something isn't right with my nose...I felt something.  It came out and then went pop and went back in.

me:  Ew that doesn't sound good, when did that happen?


kid:  Just now....

me:  Oookaaay...

kid:  Yeah and I need something from there. (points toward other playground across the fence)

me:  What could possibly be over there that you need? (looks around at kids playing)

kid:  (points more specifically at the first aid bag hanging on the fence) The thing that I need is a tissue.

Tails

The kids were doing a worksheet on the letter M/m that had a picture of a mouse on it.

kid1:  I'm drawing a spider for my mouse, look at its tail.

kid2:  Spiders don't have tails!  Horses have tails!

22nd

During calendar I asked who could tell me what today is, and the girl I called on said:

Thursday....April....Twenty Tooth....Two Thousand and Ten

Penis Ice Cream

We were having Oreos for one of the kid's birthday treat when the kids started talking about other treats they like.

kid1:  I've had ice cream with Oreos in it before.

kid2:  What?!  Oreo ice cream?!

kid1:  Yeah it's just ice cream with Oreos in it...but you have to break them into penis.

kid3:  PENIS!?!?! That doesn't make SENSE!

kid1:  Pieces.  I mean you have to break the Oreos into pieces.

Oh my gawd...I had a hard time breathing I was laughing so hard.  Thankfully I was able to hide it by letting my hair hang down over my face as I was crouched down to clean up a juice spill.

Jesus and Jet Planes

Once again I have no idea where the religion debate came from.


kid1:  When you die, you leave your body to go up to heaven.  Because in heaven you can't see anyone.  Nobody has a body in heaven.

kid2:  Jesus takes you up to heaven.

kid1:  Yeah he comes down in a jet and flies you up.

kid2:  Nuh uh!  He just flies.....