He's got the Moves (in bed)

We were dancing and this kid was trying to do some elaborated move.  This can easily be taken out of context of course.

I can't do my move because I'm not on a BED!  

......or a trampoline. I need something bouncy.

For Sale?

I came into this conversation in the middle, so I have no idea how it began or what it was even about.  A boy was telling a girl this at the art center.

...And then!  You would like me SO MUCH that you would want to KEEP me and I would say YES!  Cuz I'm on SALE!

Flirting

kid:  You wanna know what a REAL flirt is?  It's when you climb up the stairs and then when you get to the top and you fall down them, your girlfriend is there to catch you.

God and Santa are in Cahoots

kid1:  Did you know God helps Santa?

kid2:  How?

kid1:  To watch the kids and they both can see who is naughty or not.

kid2:  Yeah and Santa helps God too.

kid3:  Santa is getting ready for the new Christmas right now.

kid2:  No he's not!!  He's sleeping!  He has to sleep through July and August and all the way until December then he wakes up for Christmas again.

Moonwalk

We were dancing to the peanut butter and jelly song when one of the girls announced:

"I can do the moonwalk, it's easy.  All's you have to do is walk backwards and then when you stop you spin around at the end."  (demonstration)

Evidently for an added twist, you can do it with your eyes closed.  I never knew!

Staring Contest

This morning at the table, a girl and a boy sitting across from each other decided to have a staring contest.  They were all leaned forward and getting into it, including having the other kids at the table cheer them on.  The outcome was apparently inevitable.

other kids at table:   Ooooh don't blink!  Don't blink!  You can't blink!

(girl blinks)

boy:  I'm good at staring, I always win.

girl:  Always?

boy:  Yeah!  Cuz boys are way gooder at staring than girls are.

me:  Why is that?

boy:  Because when girls look at you they go like this:  (bats his eyelashes rapidly)

Toe Monster

kid:  There's a monster in my toe.

me:  Oh yeah?  How do you know?

kid:  I can feel him walking around.

me:  How did it get in your toe?

kid:  It climbed in through the top of my shoe!

me:  Why did it do that?

kid:  I don't know...because it wanted to scratch my toe.

Eye Ball Repair

We were getting ready for lunch and the kids were speculating on why one friend was staying in the other room, when I told them that his dad was picking him up early.  I honestly didn't know why, but I doubt it was the reason that they came up with.

kid1:  Why?

me:  I'm not sure, he must have something else he needs to take care of.  But he'll be back tomorrow.

kid1:  Maybe he has a doctor's appointment.

me:  That's possible.

kid2:  Yeah maybe he's going to go have his eyeball fixed.

me:  You think that's what's going on?

kid2:  Yeah his eyeball is funny....maybe he's going to the gas station to get it fixed.

Snot Bubble

We had just gotten out to our playground when this kid stopped me and was talking about something that took me a while to figure out.

kid:  (sounding very serious) Something isn't right with my nose...I felt something.  It came out and then went pop and went back in.

me:  Ew that doesn't sound good, when did that happen?


kid:  Just now....

me:  Oookaaay...

kid:  Yeah and I need something from there. (points toward other playground across the fence)

me:  What could possibly be over there that you need? (looks around at kids playing)

kid:  (points more specifically at the first aid bag hanging on the fence) The thing that I need is a tissue.

Tails

The kids were doing a worksheet on the letter M/m that had a picture of a mouse on it.

kid1:  I'm drawing a spider for my mouse, look at its tail.

kid2:  Spiders don't have tails!  Horses have tails!

22nd

During calendar I asked who could tell me what today is, and the girl I called on said:

Thursday....April....Twenty Tooth....Two Thousand and Ten

Penis Ice Cream

We were having Oreos for one of the kid's birthday treat when the kids started talking about other treats they like.

kid1:  I've had ice cream with Oreos in it before.

kid2:  What?!  Oreo ice cream?!

kid1:  Yeah it's just ice cream with Oreos in it...but you have to break them into penis.

kid3:  PENIS!?!?! That doesn't make SENSE!

kid1:  Pieces.  I mean you have to break the Oreos into pieces.

Oh my gawd...I had a hard time breathing I was laughing so hard.  Thankfully I was able to hide it by letting my hair hang down over my face as I was crouched down to clean up a juice spill.

Jesus and Jet Planes

Once again I have no idea where the religion debate came from.


kid1:  When you die, you leave your body to go up to heaven.  Because in heaven you can't see anyone.  Nobody has a body in heaven.

kid2:  Jesus takes you up to heaven.

kid1:  Yeah he comes down in a jet and flies you up.

kid2:  Nuh uh!  He just flies.....

Heart Breaker

This kid is notorious for becoming instantly remorseful of his bad behavior when he has to suffer consequences. He was being super spastic and I had had enough so I told him to leave the group and go put his head down at his table spot, after moving his name to yellow on our behavior chart.

kid(age4): Awwwwwww! But I don't want to mess around! I want to make good choices!

me: I want you to make good choices too but right now you need to have a time out.

kid: (crying mournfully) You broke my heart...........You just really really broke my heart!

I had to walk away from him because he wouldn't stop carrying on. I left him to another staff because I had to take my next group to our second room for the next round of activities.
20 minutes later when I returned to the main room to get my next group, he was still not over it.

He saw me and started wailing again: Aren't you SO SORRY about how you BROKE my HEART?!

Golden Hair

kid(age 4): I reallllly like your hair today.

me: Thank you, that's a nice thing to say.

kid: Yeah, because my favorite color is golden.

Cartoon Hearts

kid(age 4): You know what? I like you!

me: Aww that's nice, I like you too.

kid: If we really like each other...that means that little hearts will come out of the tops of our heads.

Just Kidding

Back story: The previous afternoon this boy (age 4) had been messing around in the bathroom, making silly noises and jumping around instead of getting in there and taking care of business. So I went to check things out and when I asked "What's going on in here?" He nonchalantly started crouching down into the position of getting ready to start a race as he asked "Hey you know what?" And when I warily said "What?" He totally farted at me and then jumped back up. I told him that was rude behavior and he was messing around too much and that he'd have to move his name to yellow on our behavior stoplight. This brought on a big fit and he cried and screamed "I hate you!" at me and turned on my coworker who hadn't done anything "And I hate you too!"

So the next morning when his mom dropped him off she told him he needed to apologize.

kid: I'm sorry I wasn't nice to you yesterday.

me: Let's try to have a better day today and make good choices instead of messing around and try to have nice words ok?

kid: Yeah....and any way I was just kidding.

me: But it wasn't funny, that was unacceptable behavior.

kid: Let me tell you what kidding means. It means I'm really sorry.

Watch Out for the Shoes

kid(age 5): These are cop shoes and they can arrest people.

me: Oh yeah?

kid: Yeah! Like if when people are speeding too fast!



His shoes were the light up variety and had a police theme to them I guess?

Preschool Religion Debate

During handwriting the kids were talking about random things and got on the topic of religion a bit I guess? Over the general gibber jabber I heard the following.

kid(age 5): God doesn't exist any more.

other kid (age 4): Yes he does.

kid1: No he doesn't because Jesus died.

kid2: I saw God once. It was at a football game.

Jet to the Zoo

kid(age 5): You know what? A long long time ago when I was a baby I flew a jet to the zoo. And it went REALLY FAST like ffffffffffffwooom. And I puked. Yeah it went so fast that I threw up. And then it went neeeerrrrroooom and I was in a jet crash and I almost DIED! I was in the hospital because I had a broken leg.

Wet Paint

Our building was getting repainted inside, and our classroom's bathroom had just gotten a coat of white primer. We were still using it, just had to monitor the kids to make sure they didn't touch the walls.

I walked a kid in and reminded him to just go potty and wash hands and stay away from the walls. He was concerned it wouldn't work.
-----

me: Remember, Bob just painted and it's not dry yet, so don't touch the walls.

kid(age 5): (sitting on toilet and looking around at the walls wide-eyed) But what if the WALLS touch ME?